Troubled Thoughts
by NAPPA
Summary: Post-Hogwarts. Post Dark-War. Hermione has a piece of good news for Harry. The news leads them into a path that has consequences that will be hard to see now. Consequenses that could be deadly. My first Angst. (Read/Review)
1. Default Chapter

Troubled Thoughts (part 1)   
by **Nappa**   
  
(This is a work of fiction dedicated to the List mom of HHSA _Allison   
Well, I've been wanting to write an angst fic lately... *bundle of contradictions here* and she gave me the plot bunny. ---- Mighty good one too... I hope I did it justice.)   
  
  
  
Hermione walked down the paved street leading up to her destination. It was winter and the early morning fog was slowly dissipating. She wore a heavy black winter coat to shield her from the elements, tied in the middle by a cloth belt. There was a silver broach on the coat. A gift from Harry - her best friend of ten years.   
  
Hermione looked both side of the road and then crossed. The crossing was only a few meters ahead of her. But she did not use it. She checked to see if anyone saw her. Realising only the early morning traffic had seen her, she relaxed. It was not out of character for her to do this. She knew she was wrong, but she blamed it on one man. Harry. But no matter what, she could not live knowing someone had seen her breaking rules like that. If it was Harry or Ron, then it was okay. But not if it was someone she knew from her Hogwarts days.   
  
Hogwarts. A strangled rasp of breath escaped her. Her heart felt like it had been sliced open once more.   
  
She paused in front of the small urban house. A small two-bedroom house with a nice garden and a manicured lawn. The house came complete with a white picket fence, but there were few pickets that were missing. It was the house of Harry Potter. Large trees in the back of the house framed the wooden house in all its simple splendour.   
  
Just like Harry. She though with fondness.   
  
Simple but elegant.   
  
Hermione examined the garden. The flowers were not in full bloom yet. She saw a dead white rose. She reached in to the bushes and tried to take it out before the others around it were badly affected.   
  
It was a mistake.   
  
"Awww" she cried as, not one, but three thorns pricked her. More scratched her as she tried to retrieve her hand from the bush. She dropped the dove white envelop in her had. As soon as it was out of her hand, the wind carried it out of her range. She was severely tempted to use magic to get it, but she stopped when she realised that people were walking past the house.   
  
There was also the fact that her wand arm was stuck in the bush. _Damn it! _, She thought, _Times like this makes you wish wandless magic was not only the plaything for Harry Potter._   
  
Hearing a cry from the bushes, Harry poked his head out. When he saw the long flowing mane of Hermione's hair, he was caught off guard. He had not expected anyone to the house for several days now. The local wizard primary students were supposed to come over the on Friday to see great Harry Potter and get advice on how to do things in the house hold muggle ways, until they learn their magic to do it using that.   
  
He stood up and when he saw the predicament that Hermione was in a laugh escaped him. " Trying to steal one of my prized flower, aye, Miss. Granger?"   
  
At his voice Hermione turned around, quite startled by Harry's catlike nature. It always seemed to her that Harry walked a few millimetres off the ground. He did for a while at Hogwarts. She did not remember the details clearly, but it had something to do with his training under Moody.   
  
" You know me, always on the look out..." she did not finish the sentence. Her hand felt numb and the feeling was creeping towards her shoulder.   
  
It was like a slow poison.   
  
Like the beetroot of a Kaliku plant. The one the Draco had used on Harry the week before the battle of the titans. Draco had been let into the circle of the trusted people in the order, after he helped save a lot of innocent people at Hogwarts. He went up against his father and Voldemort. Even under Veritaserum he confessed that he was not doing the bidding of Voldemort. But how was the Order to know, that he had invented the counter potion to the Veritaserum.   
  
A brilliant mind. But evil one.   
  
_Fred!_ Thought Hermione with great sadness. He had been the one to find out and take Draco to his well-deserved grave. He had left an unborn child to Angelina, **Helena**. Fred left it as his dying wish for Harry to be the godfather.   
  
Fred never explained why he chose Harry, but no one complained. Not even George, who most would have thought to complain about it. Ron wanted the job, but agreed that Harry should be the guardian. Who else but the strongest wizard in the world would be able to protect the child? Consequently, Harry spent a lot of time at Angelina's house.   
  
" What're you grinning at?" Hermione said.   
" It's not poison." He stated calmly, as he strode over to her and hugged her. " How have you been?"   
Hermione was dumbstruck. " How have I been? – My hand is being paralysed and that's what you say?"   
It seemed to Harry that Hermione had not paid attention to what he had said to her. She always did that. When she panicked, most of the rational thinking would go out of her mind.   
  
Harry shook his head and checked to see what was wrong. " I'll get your hand out of there. But the toxin is not harmful - it'll just be a few minutes before your body makes the antibody. Be prepared for it to hurt though..."   
  
Hermione tuned out. She would much rather no watch, Harry delicately move the tangled branches out of the way to clear a path for her. She went back to thinking about Angelina.   
  
She still remembered the columns in the paper, speculating a marriage between those two. Harry had gone ballistic that day. He was deeply offended that the world that he had single-handedly saved would spread half-truths about the situation. His anger was felt throughout the magical world when every copy of the paper disappeared from the world. Only in the minds of the people who had read it, did it remain. Harry had promised that if anyone else in his circle of friends were hurt by wrongful accusations, the next time, it would be the source of the papers that disappear.   
  
There was condemnation of Harry's action from all sorts of people, but no one could argue that Harry did not have the right to be angry. The widower of one of his best friends was hurt, for money. He never saw Angelina as anything other than an older sister.   
  
Hermione remembered the hurt she saw on his eyes, when he saw Angelina crying. His anger shook the ground they walked on. Harry had ever got that angry one other time. That was when Fred died. Never before had the world seen how much of a titan in terms of power he really was.   
  
Quite literally there was no one the planet that could rival his power, yet he chose to live a basic, almost too simple life. Where he could have money and power, he chose to do some gardening. Help raise a friend's child...   
  
The only people in the Wizarding world that knew where Harry lived were Angelina, Hermione, Helena and Ron. His only constant female companions were Angelina, Helena and Hermione. There was a girl in Harry's life in the 5th year but after that, there were only scattered relationships.   
  
As Harry explained it, he had yet to meet the right girl or she was already taken or they weren't interested in him.... _Ouch!_ When the last of the thorny branches cleared off her hand, she looked down to see Harry carefully removing her hands from the rose bush.   
  
" You really should not put you hands in there."   
" What are they?" Hermione said, clenching and unclenching her hands – hoping the feeling would go away.   
" That'll do you no good," he said, pointing to her action. She stopped and watched curiously as Harry seemed to go down to take a coin that had fallen out of his pocket.   
  
Harry did bend over to pick something up, but it was not the coin. With one quick movement, he had taken her into his hands and holding her like a baby. _Something he had a lot of experience in,_ she thought, relaxing into his arms. A feeling of comfort and security washed over her.   
  
That, combined with the toxins in her blood, she fell asleep. Her last coherent thought was _I hope I'm not too heavy for him._   
  
  
**Much Later**   
  
  
Hermione awoke to find herself in the small couch of the living room. Though she could not really recognise it from the last time she had been there. Part of her panicked at the unfamiliar living room, but then she saw the pictures of five year old Helena on the wall and an assortment of other pictures. Mostly ones from Hogwarts and if they were not of from there, then it was with Angelina and Helena.   
  
The panic gave way to an unknown warm feeling in her heart. It was growing, but stopped when she saw one picture of Angelina and Harry standing next to each other. Smiling broadly at the camera and Helena jumping up and down in front of them. _They would make a lovely couple... _she found herself thinking.   
  
Soon she started to remember where she was. She took off the blanket and paused when she realised it was one that she had bought for Harry in her 5th year. She never knew what she was thinking when she bought it, but she was surprised to see that Harry had kept it. _In good condition too..._   
  
She heard soft feet walking in the kitchen nearby. She folded the blanket and rose off the couch. Rolled her neck to get rid of the kink in her shoulder and then moved to the kitchen. She was supposed to cook for him that day and give him "The News". The closer she got, the more noises and the stronger the aroma of the food being cooked got.   
  
She could smell the spicy chicken being cooked. And the Pasta that was supposed to go with it. She loved spicy chicken. But she had no idea that Harry had picked up cooking... _Probably all the time he spends with Angelina._ There was that pang in her sides. _Note to self, check to see if there was something wrong with me at the doctors._   
  
" Smells good." She said.   
Harry, for all the magic that he knew, had clearly not sensed her approach. He knocked the chicken off the stove and the hot food was heading directly at him. But not a drop made it to his skin. It just froze in the air. " Jeepers Hermione! You really should not sneak up on me." Harry was carefully examining what he was seeing in front of him. A pan full of chicken, and gravy frozen in air.   
  
" I'm guessing it's a new power?" Hermione said.   
" Yeah... never thought it was possible. You know, freezing things in time." The looked at the phenomenon and went into deep thought. A second later, he swished his hands and summoned a serving dish. Then all the chicken and gravy just jumped on the dish.   
  
" What did you try?"   
" Tried making time go back wards. Can't. It was moving, just slowly. Had no control over it. Give me a year, I'll have it mastered." He said looking half confident.   
" Isn't that what you said about, the fire one?"   
Harry blushed. He remembered when he got the power to start fire on things that did not even catch fire. He had burned three of his houses down, before quitting it totally. Money was not a problem. He had more than enough to last a few life times, yet still have some left over.   
  
That was three months ago. Hermione and Angelina had sat him down after that and made him promise not to experiment with any power he got, until it was approved by both of them. Harry thought it was outrageous, but a threat not to see Helena again had him quickly begging.   
  
" Where did you put my coat?" she asked.   
" It's on the rack near the door way..." He stopped in mid sentence and turned to face her. " Where are you going? I thought we were supposed to spend the day talking. We're doing that right?"   
Hermione grinned her response. " Just wanted to know where that is, if there are anymore "accidents" like that."   
  
Harry threw her the freshly laundered tablecloth and said. " Can you set the table? I'll just pop these onto proper things."   
  
Hermione nodded and set up the table. The table was a small round one. It was too small to accommodate any more than two people and a few dishes. Harry liked everything small. Tidy. Clean. Neat.   
  
" Where are the albums?" she asked.   
" Oh... there're in the front room. You want to see them?"   
Hermione nodded.   
" In that case, just take the table cloth into the living room, we can gloss over them, while we eat."   
" That would be great. I have some good news. I think you'll like it."   
" Promotion at work?"   
Hermione shook her head. " No more guessing. I'll tell you after the lunch."   
" Okay."   
  
Hermione went to the front room and found what she was looking for. It was an album of Hogwarts. Pictures and more pictures to reminiscent old friends by. It was a way that Harry and Hermione had decided a long time ago that they would remember friends and comrades of the war. War that they had won at a great cost. Friends deserved to be remembered, no matter how painful it was to do so.   
  
A few minutes later Harry came into the room with two very large plates of pasta and the rest of the food items came floating behind him, including a very large bottle of something that looked very much like Alcohol.   
  
" Harry... You know, I don't drink alcohol."   
" Do you think I would ever, after what almost happened to Ginny? It's Pumpkin juice – concentrated a bit though. You sure you can handle that stuff?"   
  
" Yes. Enough teasing."   
" Tell me what you think. It's the second time I'm cooking, and I'm not sure how good it is. Angelina has a habit of lying to me about everything."   
" Not true. When she says, you're the daftest git in the universe, she's right. You are. Remember... " Hermione went rapidly through the albums and found the one that she was looking for. " Remember Alison Fairchild?"   
Harry snorted out the juice that he had poured himself. " You had to bring her up didn't you? It's not my fault."   
" Yeah right. She flirted almost the entire year with you, and you still did not get it. If I hadn't told you about her liking you, you still would have no clue."   
" Is that so? If I remember correctly, I had to tell you that Ron was head over heels for you, before you even saw it. I had some idea she liked me, you had no clue."   
Hermione took some time to finish some of the pasta. The taste was not the best in the world, but like Harry had said, it was his second try. It was very good for that. " Okay, a few things. How was I supposed to know that he had feelings for me? Seemed to me that he was being a prat all the time." She put up her hand to stop him from refuting. " Before you start talking again... Angelina lied to you. It needs salt and the pasta needs to be boiled a bit more. The chicken needs to be a lot spicier. Thought that's just for me. Normal people would think this is enough. Okay. Now you can talk..."   
  
" There were lots of signs. Like..." He stopped. A look passed over his face. Hermione did not recognise that one. She would not have ignored it but Harry asked if they could move the focus to the purpose of the day. Remembering old times.   
  
It was almost dinnertime when they finished reminiscing. When Harry offered to cook again, Hermione refused. She said she had other things to do while Ron was away.   
" What was the big news that you could not wait to tell me... but somehow it slipped you mind?" Asked Harry, as they made their way to the living room, after all the dishes were done the muggle way.  
Hermione's face slowly started to go pink. " Ron proposed and I said yes."   
  
Hermione did not sound as excited about it, as she should have been – it was something that Harry did not pick up. Ron and Hermione had been dating for three years, it was very much expected that they be getting married any day now.   
  
Harry was speechless. Finally realising he should say something, or do something he decided to give her a kiss on the cheek and wish her well. She was happy and that's all that mattered to him.   
  
Their lips brushed against each other, and it sent shivers through both their spines. Harry did something that he had wanted to for five years. Ever since he helped Hermione and Ron get together. His biggest mistake in life. His biggest regret in life.   
  
Sensing this would be the last time he would be able to do this without feeling guilty for betraying Ron, he tried to push his lips onto hers. But he was refused.   
  
Instead he realised Hermione had taken the step and close the gap between them. Wrapping her arms around his neck she kissed him. Biting his lip to let her have access to the inner part of his mouth. Hermione's heart raced. She could feel the mental barriers she had put up herself over the years, dissolve.   
  
For the first time in her life, Hermione did not care about the consequences of her actions. It felt right. More so than anything else, she had ever done. She did not even notice when Harry started to kiss back.   
  
What was happening was beyond their control now. The consequences have to be dealt with, when they come. For now, Hermione was enjoying the feeling her chest. Her heart beating in the same irregular beat as Harry's.   
  
------   



	2. 

Troubled Thoughts (part 2)   
by **~Nappa**   
A special thanks to people who read my ficlet. I know, I'm not as good as a lot of the others, but I hope, I managed to entertain you a while.   
  
_What was happening was beyond their control now. The consequences have to be dealt with when they come. For now, Hermione was enjoying the feeling in her chest. Her heart beating in the same irregular beat as Harry's._   
  
Confident that Harry would not escape her again, she slowly unwrapped her arms from around his neck and brought them to where the buttons held his blue shirt closed over his warm body. Although she was in a hurry, the kisses were enough for now.   
  
For now.   
  
Hermione was almost dizzy because of lack of air. She finally decided to let his mouth escape. As the warmth started to fade, she registered a pang in her heart. Yet she knew that there was no way she could continue if she fell unconscious. She nibbled on his bottom lip for a few seconds before she looked up to see the expression on Harry's face.   
  
An unknown feeling of happiness rose within her heart when she saw the expression. It was a mixture of shock, happiness, desire and ... the thing that had made her almost be content while she waited for her lungs to fill. Love.   
  
Almost.   
  
Hermione's rational mind was lost to the desire of her need to be closer to him. Her mind was lost as her emotions took hold, controlling her. Hermione kissed him again. The sensation of his harsh, but now wet lips on hers was something that she liked.   
  
No loved.   
  
She began to deepen the kiss, slowly. Her tongue slipping within the confines of his mouth, drinking in the warmth that was there. Something that was akin to the first time she had tasted butterbeer. Though it was hardly fair to compare those two things. For the butterbeer was not as tasty and as loving as the kiss. She wished she could spend eternity like this, for a moment she thought she could.   
  
The rational part of her mind tried to object. It tried to remind that she had accepted Ron's proposal for marriage. To remind her that Ron had been the one that she loved. It tried to make her remember what it was like to be with him. Not only did the images of their intimate and public moment fail to make a difference, it increased the yearning that she felt for him.   
  
As emotions flooded every deep recess of her mind, there was no room for the rational side to hide. It was washed away, eventually to drown. Hermione drowned too. The desire for Harry had reached a new level. Something she had never experienced from just kissing. With her conscious mind gone, it all felt so very right.   
  
Hermione's fingers nimbly rubbed his chest through the small opening where the first button closed the shirt. His mind, euphoric, realised he needed to show his involvement too. He drew up his arms around her body, crushing her against his chest.   
  
The feeling of his hard chest pressed tightly against her bosom elicited a moan pleasure from her. He would be pleasantly happy when she coaxed him more and more. The flimsy dams that held back her desires broke. Her lips teased him, her fingers rubbing him in a more sensual way. She desperately hoped he was getting the clue as to what she wanted next.   
  
There was painful reminder of his appreciation of her actions from his lower regions, when she closed the final gap that existed between them there. Harry became bolder and with the help of Hermione's expression, he guessed much of what she wanted.   
  
Hermione felt his rough hands slip along her back in a slow sensual way and then over her hips. The slow teasing was overwhelming her senses. His hands carefully glided down the side of her thighs, and then over her buttock to the zipper...   
  
  
Time passed, and the hours of night began to fade while they got to know each other on very personal and emotional levels.   
  
  
A small ray of sunlight grazed her features. When the light was sufficient in intensity to annoy her, her eyes fluttered open. There was a latent feeling of euphoria in her mind. She could not remember what it was for. She found herself to be sleeping naked on a male body. It was very unusual, as she always slept in her clothes. But she dismissed the irregularity.   
  
But then the memories of hours blissful delight came back to her, along with the fact that she had accepted marriage proposal from Ron.   
  
All post sleep haze left her. It was too much. She had betrayed the trust of her best friend, and boyfriend of three year, more than friends before that. She had not only betrayed him, she had done it with one of his best friends.   
  
The Gravity of the situation entered her mind. She did not want to be there when Harry woke up. She wanted out. She did not need this now. She wanted out...   
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beta by Ryoko..... read here fic on ff.net. It's NC-17, bu it's not smut. We... *blush* ... there is two chapters that have it, but in a 22 chapter... more coming, it's quite good.   



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